The Next Edit - Issue #023

The gap between expectations and reality

🧠 ONE BIG IDEA

Everyone walks into retirement with a fantasy. I know I did.
A lot of us picture something between a travel magazine and a Peloton commercial:

• You wake up without an alarm.

• You finally have time to “focus on you.”

• You declutter the closets and feel spiritually reborn.

• You lean into new hobbies, long walks, maybe a little yoga (why not).

• And if you’re a grandmother?
  You imagine being the warm, wise, deeply involved matriarch with an open-door policy and a grandchild who squeals your name every time you walk into a room.

And then… reality shows up.

Retirement is beautiful, but it’s also emotionally complicated.
And one of the most painful expectation gaps isn’t about time or purpose — it’s about family.

Many women expect this dreamy “grandmother chapter”… (I know I did)
But instead find:

• Distance (literal or emotional)

• A daughter or son-in-law with his/her own boundaries

• A child who doesn’t advocate for you the way you hoped

• Limited access to the grandchild you love

• A constant sense of walking on eggshells

• And the quiet heartbreak of your expectations not matching their reality

No one prepares you for that one.
No one puts that in the glossy retirement brochure.

Here’s the truth:
You can love your grandchild with your whole heart… and still have little control over how close you get to be. You can do everything “right”… and still not get what you imagined.

This gap — between the grandmother role you pictured and the one you’re living — is one of the most tender emotional transitions of retirement.

And you deserve to talk about it out loud.

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🔧 TRY THIS….

A quick grounding exercise for any expectation gap — including the grandmother one:

1. Write down what you expected this season to look like.

Examples:

• “I thought I’d see my grandchild every week.”

• “I imagined being part of their daily life.”

• “I thought my son and I would be closer as adults.”

2. Write down what’s actually true.

Even if it hurts to see it on paper.

3. Identify one feeling underneath the gap.

It’s usually something like:

• Disappointment

• Hurt

• Powerlessness

• Loneliness

Name it.
It reduces its power.

4. Choose one thing you can control.

Not the family dynamics — the part that supports you:

• Strengthening friendships

• Building your own anchors and routines

• Finding meaningful roles outside your family

• Creating a life rich enough that family is the bonus, not the whole plot

Small shifts build emotional resilience when expectations fall short.

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🎧 LISTEN TO THIS…..Podcast:

The Motherly Podcast – “Redefining Modern Grandparenting”
A grounded look at the generational expectations and emotional realities that shape today’s grandparent roles.

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🗂️ ANDREA’S LIST

Sometimes, it helps to just know you are not alone! Here are a few real-world expectation gaps I hear from women every week:

• “I thought retirement would bring me closer to my kids.”
  Sometimes it does. Sometimes it highlights the distance.

• “I imagined being a bigger part of my grandchild’s life.”
  Modern boundaries, parenting styles, and geography have their own ideas.

• “I didn’t think I’d feel jealous watching other grandparents on social media.”
  You’re human. Comparison is real. And it stings.

• “I thought my son would prioritize my feelings more.”
  This one hits a nerve, especially for mothers of sons.
  It’s not about blame — it’s about grief for the relationship you hoped for.

These aren’t failures.
They’re heartbreaks we don’t talk about enough.

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💬 THE LAST EDIT

Retirement is rarely the fantasy we build in our minds.
And when it comes to family — especially grandparenthood — the expectation gap can feel personal, painful, and confusing.

But here’s the truth:

You can rewrite your retirement story even when your family chapter doesn’t look the way you imagined.

You are not powerless.
You are not forgotten.
You are not “less than” because your experience doesn’t match the Hallmark version.

Retirement is an edit.
Your grandmother role is an edit.
And both can still become meaningful, intentional, and beautifully yours — even if they don’t look the way you once pictured.

See you in the next edit,

Andrea

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash