The Next Edit - Issue #022

Grieving the Retirement You Thought You Would Have

🧠 ONE BIG IDEA

No one talks about the grief that comes with retirement. For me, it’s been overwhelming at times.

We talk about freedom, time travel, hobbies, grandkids etc…, but what we don’t talk about is the loss.

The loss of our identity

The loss of friends

The loss of purpose

We talk about everything everything except the part where reality refuses to match what you carefully curated in your head.

Here’s the truth:
Most of us walk into retirement carrying a backpack full of expectations—about who we’ll be, how we’ll feel, where we’ll live, what our days will look like, how close we’ll be to our adult kids and grandchildren, how much our spouse will suddenly become the perfect companion, etc.

And then reality shows up and smacks you upside the head and you realize that it’s not at all what you thought it would be.

Retirement grief isn’t about sadness, exactly. It’s about adjusting to the gap between what you imagined and what actually is. It’s mourning the version of life you thought would unfold.

That gap can feel like disappointment, anger, resentment, or a low-grade ache you can’t quite name.

And naming it is the first step.

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🔧 TRY THIS: The Expectations Autopsy

A short exercise to help you process the gap between fantasy and reality.

Step 1: Name the Expectation
What did you believe your retirement would be like?
Examples:

• “I thought I’d see my grandchild once a week.”

• “I thought my spouse and I would spend long, blissful days together without driving each other insane.”

• “I thought I’d immediately know my purpose.”

• “I thought we’d travel for three months a year.”

Step 2: Name the Reality
What’s actually happening?

• “We see him every 6–8 weeks.”

• “We bicker about the dishwasher and need separate ‘quiet zones.’”

• “I’m still figuring out who I am without a title.”

• “Travel is expensive and exhausting.”

Step 3: Name the Grief
What part of the expectation felt meaningful to you?
What loss is underneath the frustration?

Step 4: Create the Rewrite
What’s a realistic, grounded version of this expectation that still honors your values and needs?

This is not “settling.”
It’s editing.

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📚 WATCH THIS

The 4 Phases of Retirement – especially phase two, where most people hit the “disappointment dip.”

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✏️ THE FINAL EDIT

Grief isn’t failure. It’s part of transition. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard and sometimes heartbreaking.

Let yourself grieve the retirement you imagined.
Once you do, you can begin building the one that actually fits your life, your relationships, your energy, your identity, and your current reality.

And here’s the good news:
The real version—the edited one—is often more honest, grounded, meaningful, and sustainable than the fantasy ever was.

See you in the next edit,

Andrea

Photo by Amirreza Marand on Unsplash